When Is It Okay to Change Course?

When I started this season, I had a definite plan. I enrolled in a new course to learn more about illustration markets for my work. But the course has not gone as planned. The work is much more difficult than I expected. I have found myself second-guessing myself a lot over the past few weeks. Questioning my skills and abilities.

This past week, the assignment surrounded creating illustrations for children's books. I was so excited to get to this module in the course. The mini assignment involved drawing cats in different poses. I had lots of fun with that and even began to name some of my creations. The joy quickly faded when I looked at the module's main assignment at midweek. We were given a folk tale to read and then instructed to illustrate one scene from the story. I quickly became overwhelmed with the sheer amount of imagery I'd need to include for even one scene of this tale. And, I didn't care for the subject matter of the story. I found it trite and unappealing.

I realized I'd never attempted illustrations like this before. I felt like I needed more direction. More examples. I kept telling myself that I should at least make an attempt at the assignment. What's the worst that could happen, right? I did think about a few scenes that I could create, but in the end I didn't follow through. The assignment just felt too big to complete in a single week. And the subject matter did not inspire me at all.

Now, I find myself reevaluating the direction I'll take this season. Do I want to continue with this course or let it go and concentrate my efforts on other projects that have been waiting in the wings? It's something I'm still working out. When is it okay to walk away from something that doesn't feel right? In many ways, it feels wrong to abandon a course I spent money on. Wouldn't it be better to try the exercises and be willing to do them badly? Wouldn't my art grow as a result? Probably.

But there is another part of me that longs to get back to the work I enjoy. To build on what I already do well. I looked back through sketchbooks from last year and I see so many joyful images. So much magic. I have allowed myself to stray from that magic in the name of progress. But isn't progress also about knowing when something is a good fit or when it is a hinderance to my development?

I don't have the answers to these questions right now. What I do know is I'm missing the magic. The joy of drawing trees and birds. Of allowing what I want to draw to dictate what I create. I think I learn best when I'm passionate about the subjects I'm trying to capture. Some of my best work has come out of that passion. Out of the authentic vision I have for my work. That's why I became an artist in the first place.

But I also know that I need structure to work consistently and make progress. It's a balancing act I haven't quite mastered yet. Still, each time I wrestle with these questions, I get a little closer to finding the way that works best for me.

I'd love to know what you think. When is it okay to change course and when is it important to follow through no matter what?